All my life, I’ve heard the phrase “mind-numbing pain.” And I’ve been in some intense pain before. I’ve had surgeries in the past two years that left scars and left me crying pretty hard.
Right now, I’m having intense tooth pain. Something has been amiss for almost two weeks. But I decided to soldier on, maybe whatever was wrong would just go away. Because I also have periodontitis, which can be very painful on a regular basis. My gums become inflamed and, my gums are receding and my teeth are loosening – well, it is just painful sometimes. So I was trying to write this off as something connected to that. Then Tuesday, I decided to go to the dentist to make sure.
I have a cracked tooth. Yep. No wonder it’s hurting. And it is hurting bad. I’ve been sleeping with a heating pad on my face to try to numb it, which works somewhat, for a little bit. I’ve cried. I’ve screamed. I’ve cried some more. I’ve decided that there’s really no pain in the world like tooth pain. Of course, I never gave birth, but tooth pain is the worst pain I personally have ever endured.
I drove to Johnson City yesterday for an appointment, which was not my brightest idea. Staying on my side of the four-land highway took every ounce of concentration I had. Concentrating on the road is difficult when you’re already concentrating on things like not screaming. And then there’s the point where you realize you’re unable to concentrate because you truly can’t think. The pain has reached such a high point that you can’t even think; your mind is truly numb. Mind-numbing pain.
There’s only one endodontist in our insurance network and she couldn’t get me in for a consultation – not even the actual root canal – until December 16! So we’re going to have to pay for this completely out of pocket. Because, frankly, I can’t wait until December 16. I would surely go crazy from the pain before then. So the soonest I could find an out-of-network endodontist to take me in is next Wednesday, a week from the day I called. That’s for the consultation. Then they should be able to do the root canal sometime the next week. That’s Thanksgiving week. It’s also the same week I have an EKG scheduled for my sweet Siamese, Baltic. And as much as I love him, as worried as I am about him, if it comes down to a procedure for him or for me, I’m going to have a root canal that day if it’s my only/earliest shot at getting one. If that makes me a bad mom, call the Humane Society, I guess. Because I truly can’t take this much longer.
I got really excited last night when I found some leftover liquid lidocaine from when I had strep throat two years ago. I can swish it around and it numbs that sound of my mouth enough that I can catch my breath for a little bit. No one will prescribe pain meds for this sort of thing now, though. Everyone is afraid to do that now. Ever since the opioid crisis. I was on opioids for years. Was never addicted to them. When I decided I didn’t need them for my shoulder, I quit taking them and that was that. I sometimes regret that. Because the times I’ve needed pain pills since then, it has been impossible to get them. Like right now. I understand that people abuse things. But that’s not my fault. I don’t abuse pain meds. I just need them until someone can kill the nerves in this tooth with a crack in it. I just need some real rest. Preferably without a heating pad on the side of my face. I’m dreaming of the day I get this root canal. The moments I can think straight, that’s all I can think about. Root canal = heaven. Please, Lord, soon.
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